Day 24: Halfway there!

Today was treatment #18 out of 35, and that means I’m officially past the halfway point!  Time’s going by quickly, but it also feels like I’ve been here forever.  Actually, it feels like I’ve been dealing with this stupid thing forever.  I honestly can’t remember  time when I wasn’t dealing with it.  I know I went to college.  I’m pretty sure I went to Central America.  And wait, what the hell was I doing in New York again?

Throughout this year people have said things to me like, “Tom, you’re so strong,” or “I can’t believe how well you’re dealing with this,” or “Tom, you are the perfect balance of intellect, humor, and chest hair.  Have my babies.”  It’s true that I haven’t turned to booze or drugs, nor did I have a mental breakdown leading me to climb to the top of a carousel and fling feces at bystanders as I spun round and round.  No, that last part was completely planned.  But in all seriousness, I’ve tried my best to focus on positive aspects of my life, but at the same time I feel very beaten down.

One of my friends jokes, “Just think, one day in an interview you’ll be able to say, ‘Oh, cancer?  Yeah, I kicked its ass.  No biggie.'”  Sometimes I think to myself, “You’re doing alright this year, Tom.  Hang in there.  Just imagine how easy the rest of life is gonna feel compared to this.”  It’s a nice thought to think that this year’s been one marathon emotional workout session, and that I’ll be in fighting shape for the upcoming I-can-deal-with-adversity-bitch Olympics.  

Other times, though, I feel so worn down.  This whole situation started at an already vulnerable point for me, one when I was trying to live life to the fullest and make something out of nothing.  It’s like I was trying to embrace life, but when I went in for the hug, life reciprocated with a swift, steel-toed kick to the nuts.

“Why, life? Why!”

Once I’m out of here, it’s gonna take some time and effort to regain momentum, but I’ll do it.  And I’ll get that $!#&ing hug from life, too!

And this time, I’ll be prepared.

 

Eighteen treatments down, seventeen to go!

 

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